27 January, 2010 06:17

Im sitting here reading Mark ch 6 and thinking how in love I am with this man. I really think people who have time to fall

A short ditty written for my bible

Is it really? Can it be? That this is how I know you? All along youve been right here by me. Ive waited so long to be embraced by your arms Oh YESHUA you are my one true love. How I long for You to reveal yourself to me for I need you.

facebook sucks

Well no, facebook is innocent. People suck.

Why do people have to be so mean? I cant even count how many people were just plain mean to me today.  I ended up being mean back and that pisses me off I let people provoke me that way.

It started with my sister telling me my mother was in the hospital for tests today. Shes 84 and wont be around much longer.That set the stage for being un nerved.

Then my husband says hes going to leave us. Oh hes mad at our 22 year old but feels like he needs to leave all of us to make himself feel better. How awesome is that?

Then my friends daughter who WAS on my cheer team was just bring a little bitch today. Shes 14 and has the most out of control and poisioneous mouth ive ever encournterd. And I was its victim today.

A “christian” friend decided to post something about people not mattering and that you should kick them out of your life. OMG that pisses me off. I effing hate it when people shred The Word with their psycho babble bullshit. Everyone is so effing deceived I really just want to pull my hair out.  I deleted him. Cant handle that stupid shit today.

Then same freinds sister who has been a stright up Jesus following bitch since ive known her starts shit because she cant take a joke or jabbing.

What the fuck is wrong with christians? We are the stupidest and shittiest group of people around. We pledge all this love and being christ like and then we totally hurt EVERYONE, shit on people, unmericficlly judge, condem and criticize every one that doesnt believe like we do. Its sickening.

Im certain Jesus is in heaven puking his guts out over us.

I was about to puke today just over my own personal shitty day.  Hes there to take ALL OF OUR CRAP! Its like every time you hurt someone you are putting another bloody lash on HIM! How many times did they beat Him? 50? 100? Try billions and billions. Uncountable numbers of lashes when His own children crucify each other!!!!

Im certain he is distraught at all of us who consistantly go running to Him to heal our wounds and then go out and constantly form wounds on others.

I wont participate anymore. Im feeling horrible for the things I said to my friends sister and daughter today. And even my own husband.

The best thing that could happen to me is for someone to cut off my tounge and fingers. It would prob save my soul. I dispise my very esistance.

Lord PLEASE give me the strength to no participate in this ugly madness ever again.

I want to ONLY love.

I want ONLY nice things to come out of my mouth.

Where is the balance between speaking truth and loving?

From phone in WalMart parking lot at 4am

I think that people who arent affected by the world, and I mean severely affected…are doing something wrong. You arent looking hard enough.

There really is a fine line between the vast world of sin and the vast world of christianity and most of those crossing over seem to miss it. I feel so alone. Even abandoned by my own husband, pastor/rabbi, and fellow believers cause I just dont think were looking hard enough.

I just saw this girl smoking. My heart was broken by her story and she didnt even tell it.. You could see it in her face. If you look close enough you can tell when people are hurting. Were all hurting. Some more than others.

I prayed until I cried for a man I saw jogging. I didnt even see his face. Just his shadow in the dark passing my car this morning. I was so moved by love for him and the pain thats been in his life.

People are important. Second only to G-d. The greatest commandment is to love G-d and then people! How can you call yourself a christian and not be obsessed with loving people?

Smileys wif no noses maek me sad. How dey smell udder smileys?

How Arrogant

Right now im a little sad and a little mad.

Sad happens. I dont fight it, I make the best of it. Occasionally I embrace it. It is a part of life and when I am crying my eyes out I am thankful that I can. There are so many who, because of abuse or maybe even just cutting off their own emotions, cant cry.

Giving thanks always for all things unto Elohim and the Father in the name of our Lord Yeshua Ha’Moshiach.

Ephesians 5:20

It frustrates me quite a bit when people are hurting and someone says “Oh just pray about it” or “Just give it to God”. How arrogant you are.

First of all to assume that hasnt been done already.

Second of all to assume that its not G-d sent.

Would you like me to look up ALL the verses on sadness? Because there are alot. These two come to mind first.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
² A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
⁶ A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

II Corinthians 7:10

See when you throw out your assumptions it makes YOU feel better. And throwing in that reference to G-d or the bible certainly makes you feel holy doesnt it?

Sadness is…………well its uncomfortable. For most. Who enjoys seeing another cry or be sad?

When people are sad it is a natural tendency to touch them, hug them, rub their heads, offer advice. We think we are comforting but are we really?

Are we trying to stop something that needs to happen?

If someone is crying because they are just having a rough day then I can see giving them a hug. If they are stuck then advice might work. But if someone is working through something or if they could be I think its best to

1. Pray without assuming you know all of whats going on.

2. Offer words of love that lets them know they are cared for and being prayed for.

I personally suffer from some occasional depression. Im fairly certain its mostly chemical imbalances. I was raised on a horrible diet and have a 40 year old sugar habit chasing me around biting me in the ass all the time. But it took me a long time to realize that is was chemical and not me.

Do you know how many people I have had push me away and call me psycho because I couldnt stop crying? I have been perfectly happy one minute and bawling my eyes out the next.

I am not psycho.

I am however, emotional and sensitive to not only the world around me but to the crap I occasionally ingest. Last time I checked neither of those made me any kind of horrible pagan sinner. Last time I checked the blood of Yeshua was still covering our crying and our eating habits. Last time I checked Romans 13:8 still said:

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

And I corinthians 13s love verse still contained

LOVE

BELIVES

THE

BEST

That means that you should always give me & G-D the benefit of the doubt.

That means you should lay aside your arrogance and pick up that humility that we all seem to think we have and dont, put it in our juice box

and suck it.

Homes

Ok heres another weird thing about me.

I absolutely hate going into someones home I dont know. I feel totally invaded.

Its like rape almost. It is way too much input for this HSP. (and I am a HSP but I am not into all that spiritual, new age weird stuff some of them get into)

Now, lets say its your home. And I came in and you didnt want me to.

That  would be like…… OMG! and you could tell your friends “I totally told her NOT to come in and she came in anyway!”

And your friends would be “Oh NO She dii eent!!

But lets say you invite me into your home and I ploitely decline.

Oh all of a sudden now im the weirdo?

“Yeah Like I invited her in and she like totally wanted to stand on the porch.”

Why is that. Why am I weird for not wanting to come in?

Oh trust me, its happened to me one too many times.

 

I absolutely hate the social game. And the American culture is FULL of ignorant social games.

I WONT PLAY and you cant make me.

If I cant line it up with the word of G-d its garbage to me.Just like the whole cussing thing.

Another one is dressing. HOW stupid we judge people by how they dress. Now mind you, many people who wear spandex ARE in fact, weird and unsafe not all are and you cant assume they all are. No worries, I dont wear spandex…..out.

I find myself judging in the opposite way. I find my self avoiding women who indulge in fake nails, overdone hair or high heels with blue jeans…among other things…… All of these scream “ACCEPT ME” & “I have to look beautiful on the outside cause im a MESS on the inside”!

Yeah I used to do it too. When I was a mess.

But no, I do give everyone a chance and yes, many of the overdone Woodlandsy ladies I meet are quite lovely.

I still dont want to go in their homes though.

 

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

 

I just want to wish everyone happy birthday tomorrow!

We are having some parties FOR YOU.

For those of you who drink & party come to party A where we will not be serving any alcohol. John Hagee will be on hand to try and save your soul.

For those of you who dont drink & party, celebration B is for you, everyone there  will be drunk and we will have strippers.

For those of you who are black your party will be hosted by the KKK.

For those of you who are gay, well, you dont get a party, cause youre gay.

For all the holier than thou white christians, all the gay people will be at your party. And they are allowed to dress how they want.

Offended yet?

Its ok, its the posture of my heart that I thought about your bday RIGHT???

 

Wait what? Its not your bday tomorrow? Well, ive already gone through so much trouble… we are just going to celebrate anyway. K?

Cause its the posture of my heart that REALLY matters right. I mean, TO ME, tomorrow will be about YOU!

 

What? You dont want a party. Well, were going to have it anyway.

Im so excited!!

Are you?

 

 

My point?

Yeshya (whom you know as Jesus) was NOT born on Dec 25 th.

 

 

 

Deu 12:4  “Do not worship the LORD your God in the way that these people worship their gods.
Deu 12:5  Out of the territory of all your tribes the LORD will choose the one place where the people are to come into his presence and worship him.

Deu 12:13  You are not to offer your sacrifices wherever you choose;

Deu 12:30  After the LORD destroys those nations, make sure that you don’t follow their religious practices, because that would be fatal. Don’t try to find out how they worship their gods, so that you can worship in the same way.
Deu 12:31  Do not worship the LORD your God in the way they worship their gods, for in the worship of their gods they do all the disgusting things that the LORD hates. They even sacrifice their children in the fires on their altars.
Deu 12:32  “Do everything that I have commanded you; do not add anything to it or take anything from it.

Jer 10:2  He says, “Do not follow the ways of other nations; do not be disturbed by unusual sights in the sky, even though other nations are terrified.
Jer 10:3  The religion of these people is worthless. A tree is cut down in the forest; it is carved by the tools of the woodworker
Jer 10:4  and decorated with silver and gold. It is fastened down with nails to keep it from falling over.
Jer 10:5  Such idols are like scarecrows in a field of melons; they cannot speak; they have to be carried because they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them: they can cause you no harm, and they can do you no good.”

 

Wouldnt you rather be safe than sorry?

 

Vanessa Clawson

I want to tell you a story about a woman who changed my life. I hated her.

Her name was Vanessa and she was one of the most annoying people I had ever met in my life. She was always a little too happy, a little too friendly, and a little too talkative. Occasionally she got sad and you would have thought the world was ending for her. Geez.

I avoided her like the plague.

One day we got a call that Vanessa was in the car with 3 of her 7 or 8 children. Her 12 year old son Trey was driving. It was a mini lesson at night, on a deserted road. (I dont judge her for that cause ive done it with my kids teaching them to drive)

Anyway, a truck came out of nowhere and hit them on Vanessas side. Trey was fine. Angela (3) sitting behind Trey was fine. Joseph (6) who was sitting behind Vanessa was life flighted (he lived). Vanessa died instantly.

About a year earlier my father died. He had a small funeral because he was kind of a recluse. Just family. Not many friends, I dont think he had any.

Then about 6 months after that my beloved brother died. His funeral was bigger. He had some friends and we were all sad to see him go.

I dreaded Vanessa funeral. I knew it would be small and boring. How could anyone like this annoying woman?

I went to be nice.

They said it would be at Spring Tabernacle which I thought was strange cause that was a big church.

We went in and they had rows and rows of pictures set up of her. It was quite elaborate. I thought, ok well, she must have been a good mom and daughter. I can see that.

We sat down.

People came in, and more people and more people. Hundreds! They filled the balcony.  My old pastor came, and his family. Other area pastors came. WTH? Was she a millionaire? Did she make a movie? Write a book?

Nope, she was just Vanessa.

I sat there wondering what the heck was going on and G-d slapped me on my head (it wasnt the first time) and said “Vanessa was a light in a very dark world”.

I realized that I was NOT a light. I was a negative, judgmental, holier than thou christian and I hated her simply because she shined her light into my darkness.

I began weeping uncontrolably. Not for her. But for me.

I saw how horrible I was. I saw it clearly!

Praise G-d! I saw it sSO clearly.

I decided right then and there to stop being such a negative poop head and to be a light. Its been a long road and I think im fighting against nature but G-d is good and has helped me see that there is light in here and has helped me bring it about.

Thank G-d for Vanessa. Thank G-d for people who are not ashamed to let their light shine.

And thats how Vanessa Clawson changed my life. I cant wait to see her in heaven, thank her and then walk around being annoying with her.

Life is Like a Bean

Life is like  a bean…
But to get the bean to create more beans you have to plant it.
And that is kinda dark and skarry.
But its ok casue the bean knows its being given a change.
So, it roughs it out, the horrible dark stanky ground and the battle to push and and the battle to push through…..because it knows that in the end it will see glory.

And then the bean is above ground, which so many of us are…….
I mean, weve pushed through so much dark stanky dirty stuff and here we are TAH DAH!

Are we weak and sicky?

(OH my gawd do you know what I just went through? —whch focuses on the past and what happened)
or are we standing strong going…”LOOK at me! Im not dead, that didnt kill me!” (focusing on the present and the victory)

What would you do to your bean if you knew it was there to feed the multitude? step on it? cover it. IGNORE It?

NOOO you feed it and water it and nurture it.
So sad we dont do that to each other. So sad.

We are all beans. We have all pushed through dirt and crap.
We are all standing on this side of the earth and we are alive and we are still going.
Dont stop. Nurture the beans around you.
Dont be frickin fly trap bean plants like that big Audrey 2 in Little Shop of Horrors!

Dont snap at, eat and suck the very life out of the hands that come to nurture you!

See, life is like a bean.